Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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