Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
