I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
