Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
