alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
