i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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