the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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