If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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