I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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