Can Purell be used as lube?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize