Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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