I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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