Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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