I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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