Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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