when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize