I cannot find my penis.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
my nose is crying tears of wow.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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