i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
