for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
