Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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