I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
