She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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