I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
BRING THE BAGELS
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
