We named our party play list daddy issues
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
