so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Don't make out with my wife yet
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
