I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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