i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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