I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
