he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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