Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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