I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
