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I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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