Do vagina's smell?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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