it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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Randomize
