dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
