Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
