ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
