Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
