i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
