I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
should my penis look like a turkey
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
