why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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