Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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