im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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