i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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