i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize