the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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