Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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