remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
