I have demons in me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
