I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
