you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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