i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
