Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
