I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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