Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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