Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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