Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
someone owes me an orgasm
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
