Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
